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| Photo cred: stlouistrackclub.com |
Sometimes you run way faster than you have strength, mostly because you aren't a runner, so running strength is not your thing, and when the unrelenting pace carries on farther than you'd like (distance was never really your discipline either), you fear the constant motion is the worst example you give your children around how to life a full life. Except for maybe the soda drinking. That's a pretty bad example, too. But, how else's are you supposed to make it past the 9 a.m. slump every single day without a diet coke to get you through the race?
When you were in your twenties and thirties, people would ask how you stayed so fit. "First of all," you'd answer, "I am not fit. I am probably one of the least fit people you know. I'm just small, and that is not at all the same as being in shape."
"Fine," would come the response. "How do you stay 'small' then?"
"Do you see all these kids?" you ask, surveying the park where you've come to play. "I chase them around all day."
You really only have 4 kids, but since you always wanted 8, there are often more children with you than just your own. The truth is, though, they are all really good, and while you do plenty of running around with them you do very little chasing. In fact, when you're at the park, you mostly do sitting and watching, reading and writing , and sometimes, playing and chasing. You see them now. One on the swings. One high a top the swing set. One on the jungle gym. One on the roof of the play structure. Friends are unaccounted for, but all around.
Someone points to the kid sitting on the top of the swing set, "Whose kid is that?" she asks in alarm.
"He's mine and he's okay. I know, its scary when you first see him up there. But, if you can't shake the worry, just avert your eyes."
She doesn't look pleased with your answer and elects to leave the park rather than witness a disaster that never happens.
Anyway, you ran around with them your whole legal adulthood. Your first baby came when you were 21. Now that they are all teenagers, the running is a new kind of race, like a tag-team-relay that is done mostly in the car and in your mind. Of course, these days there is a puppy, and you do literally chase her throughout the day. Maybe her presence combined with the real, physical running is what makes you feel so worn-out and unfit in your ability to keep up. However, your life most days feels like the scripture in Luke 6:38, "pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing...." While this scripture is preaching abundance and generosity it is not always comfortable. It often fills you with the "flight" part of the "fight or flight" response. But, as you run you realize, for the wholehearted, there is no running away; only toward, with, and through it all, even though speed and distance were never your thing.
