I Can't Live Without You

Checking Facebook is a near-daily habit for me. But it's a platform I abandon periodically to give my activism, my ego, my trolls, and my growing doubts about the basic human decency a rest.

My Activism - Writing for Their Story is Our Story

My Ego - See what I did?

My Trolls - I let him know

My doubts about human decency - WTHELL? Do people who regularly use the phrase "fake news"
ever really check their own sources for fake news?

I haven't been on Twitter since last September when my husband and I ran the Twitter-feed photos and content for Business Fights Poverty in NYC.

SnapChat is a near-never distraction for me.

The platform I'd miss the most is Instagram.  As a not-so-well-known Utahn, Brigham Young, once said, "This is the place."  This is where I find myself following: My daughters' fashion posts, pictures of my grandbaby, other activists observations, and Trevor Noah.  What more do I need to say?

Mission

I met the Apostle Paul at the door today
He had a black eye and spoke gratitude for every word I said
Every morsel of sustenance I offered
He wept openly
Great rolling tears
Thanked me for helping him fill his mission today
He hopes he has the strength to accomplish it

Day 1 - 16 Hours of Silence

Quiet's Trial Run

The real first day of 16 hours begins this evening at 8 pm.  Today was a good exercise in something more than futility and less than success. Puppy play, phone calls, kids unaware of the clock, and other tests try your ability to remain silent for 16 hours straight.

You have the right to remain silent! Even with three teens and a puppy.

Observances 

1.  I REALLY like silence and charades in the morning better than whispering and talking, unless speaking is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for getting kids out the door.  Then, the fewer words the better. Charades with bleary-eyed teens first thing in the morning is THE BEST!

2.  The puppy is a great alarm clock for the girls. She storms into their rooms with all love and excitement, wakes them abruptly by rooting through their stuff, and greets them with a snuffle before she moves on to the next room. 

3. When I am not noisily nagging girls to get out the door (the lone boy left at home is good at getting upon his own) one of might miss the ride to the train. So sorry. Sure do love you. 

4.  I am going to be really glad for these silent hours during the next few days of helping Hannah during play rehearsals with 36 third-fifth graders.  I was there for two hours and left exhausted of voice and body. She stayed an hour longer and then had another play practice afterwards. She is amazing. I am tired. 

5.  Driving in silence, especially for trips beyond a few miles, is NOT my favorite. 

Meditation

For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.  --Matthew 12:37

1.  Some of my silence is filled with prayers for a the people very close to me unexpectedly facing the reality of their own mortality. 

2.  Also, prayers for fleas infesting a family-member's home. "Go in peace, little fleas." 

3.  A smiling meditation is in order for the drive home from the train and the morning walk with the puppy. 

Fails

1.  I used words to make sure one girl REALLY knew it was time to go. In 16 Hours of Silence, words should not be used in harsh tones.  Ugh!

2.  At 10:13 a.m. I totally forgot my experiment when I needed to make a phone call. I make the call,  talk for 15 productive minutes, then spend 10 more minutes distracted by the fact that I should have waited a few hours.  Total fail! Oh well. Return to silence. 

3.  Might as well make answer the phone call from my sister.  But, that's it. QUIET!

Note:  I decided some failure shouldn't mean all failure.  Don't throw the day away because I forgot my plan once or twice.  No "Go big, or go home" here. Just shut up and move on with the quiet. Like any difficult endeavor, don't give up 'cause you messed up. Failure is not defeat. 

Monty Python's Chanting Monks - imgur.com

Quotes of the Day

"Pi-e Jesu Domine, Dona eis requiem," Don chants around the kitchen like a demented monk from Monty Python. "I think that's what you're going to be doing all day. Does your experiment include chanting?" No, but now that you mention it.....

"Let's just watch the next episode, Mom can't tell us no," the oldest kid in the house says with a wry smile. I stand up and turn the TV off. 

"I get a drive to the train. Mom said." Uh, Mom said nothing

New Experiment

Today begins another experiment:
16 hours of silence, every day for 10 days (except Sunday, I get to rest from silence on Sunday. Plus, several hours of my Silent Time will be spent sleeping).

It brings a new focus on an old commandment. This one is number three:
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Why?
If everyone is made in the image of God, speaking words "devoid of real worth" is breaking this commandment. Jesus said:

"A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh."

I am preparing the abundance of my heart. Its kinda full of all sorts a crap right now. You should have heard me bag on Leo DiCaprio during the Oscars, just for fun out of the meanness of my heart. or, yell at all the drivers and say i wished i had trick tacks that could spit out of the sides of my car to impede them on their journey. This mouth speaks too much the HARD THINGS IN MY HEART. For 10 Days I will hold personal silence from 9 pm in the evening to 1 pm the following afternoon.

After 10 days, I will spend the remainder of the month with pure speech: no complaining, no gossiping, no angry words. See why I need 10 days of silence. I really, really need 10 days with 16 hours of silence a day to learn to measure my words.

Note: This experiment is not meant to be duplicated or judgey.  I'm just extreme in my personal experiments and my need for quirky means of observing common practices.  

Here are some of my not-so-silent to-dos for the next 10 days:

• Coordinate details for the play Hannah is student directing
• Get kids to and from rehearsal all for Broadway in Utah
• Train a puppy
• Prepare refugee sisters for their presentation at the UN
• Run through all presentations for the UN, decide on best moderation techniques
• Finalize all arrangements for UN trip
• Reach out to everyone I met in NY last trip and invite to our event, plan for attending theirs
• Help coordinate daily briefing for the trip 
• Figure out food for our events. Here's to dollar slice pizza. 
• Manage a family, run a life.

Never perfect, always trying. We'll see how it goes.

Rules of the Silence Experiment
1. Choose your 16 hours - Avoid excessive external stimulation: Music, radio, Other media. Provide space for your thoughts.

2. Tell all the people.

3. Don’t speak unless you are spoken to, or you need to train a puppy with love or correction.

4. When you do speak, choose words that are quiet and few. And then return to silence.

5. Go all Depeche Mode. Enjoy the silence. Notice your urges to speak. They will be far more common than you expect.

Sometimes you run....

Photo cred: stlouistrackclub.com 

Sometimes you run way faster than you have strength, mostly because you aren't a runner, so running strength is not your thing, and when the unrelenting pace carries on farther than you'd like (distance was never really your discipline either),  you fear the constant motion is the worst example you give your children around how to life a full life.  Except for maybe the soda drinking.  That's a pretty bad example, too.  But, how else's are you supposed to make it past the 9 a.m. slump every single day without a diet coke to get you through the race?

When you were in your twenties and thirties, people would ask how you stayed so fit. "First of all," you'd answer, "I am not fit.  I am probably one of the least fit people you know.  I'm just small, and that is not at all the same as being in shape."

"Fine," would come the response. "How do you stay 'small' then?"

"Do you see all these kids?" you ask, surveying the park where you've come to play.  "I chase them around all day."

You really only have 4 kids, but since you always wanted 8, there are often more children with you than just your own. The truth is, though, they are all really good, and while you do plenty of running around with them you do very little chasing. In fact, when you're at the park, you mostly do sitting and watching, reading and writing , and sometimes, playing and chasing. You see them now.  One on the swings. One high a top the swing set.  One on the jungle gym.  One on the roof of the play structure.  Friends are unaccounted for, but all around.

Someone points to the kid sitting on the top of the swing set, "Whose kid is that?" she asks in alarm.

"He's mine and he's okay.  I know, its scary when you first see him up there.  But, if you can't shake the worry, just avert your eyes."  

She doesn't look pleased with your answer and elects to leave the park rather than witness a disaster that never happens.

Anyway, you ran around with them your whole legal adulthood. Your first baby came when you were 21. Now that they are all teenagers, the running is a new kind of race, like a tag-team-relay that is done mostly in the car and in your mind.  Of course, these days there is a puppy, and you do literally chase her throughout the day.   Maybe her presence combined with the real, physical running is what makes you feel so  worn-out and unfit in your ability to keep up.  However, your life most days feels like the scripture in Luke 6:38, "pressed down, shaken together, and overflowing...."  While this scripture is preaching abundance and generosity it is not always comfortable. It often fills you with the "flight" part of the "fight or flight" response.  But, as you run you realize, for the wholehearted, there is no running away;  only toward, with, and through it all, even though speed and distance were never your thing. 

It's not what you say, it's how you say it...and, sometimes, it IS what you say

                          

"What are you doing? " I ask as my husband as he chops onions next to me in our joint-stirfry-making effort.

"I'm chopping the onions to sauté in the wok," he replies with a, "can't you see what I'm doing" tone.

"Oh.  Well, the carrots take so long you should really do those first."

"Okay, how about I do the carrots next and finish the onions now."

"Alright, but it goes quicker if you just do them slivered rather than diced."

"I've diced most of them already," he says as he finishes the job and moves on.

"Why are you doing it that way?" I ask as he starts making coins of carrots. I'm curious about his method.  Do they fry faster that way, is it faster to cut them like that?  i always chose long strips, he made a different choice.  It's interesting.  But, something in my tone, coupled with my direction from the conversation around the onions makes him defensive about my motives for asking.

"Look, do you want me to do a different job?" And echoes of my childhood resonate in my head as I realize, I have become my mother!  But I can't let it rest.  Now I am annoyed.

"No, I was just asking and you got all defensive.  I really just wanted to know why you chose that method.  Geez, why, can't we ever play nice  in the kitchen...."

I wonder.

The funny thing is, that as he was reading over this dialogue before I made it public fodder he asked, "when did this happen?  Was it a long time ago?"

I looked at him incredulously. 

"I mean, what house did we live in?"  he asked, as if I would give him an answer of "Years ago, when we were young.  Of course!"

I laughed out loud.  "Are you kidding me?  I think we probably have a conversation like this at least once a week, this one just happened to be the last time we made stir-fry."

Then he dug deeper, still with a laugh in his voice, so the conversation remained friendly, "It's funny because I never thought about it this way until you pointed it out.  But, do you see how you set me up? And, then, you realize your mistake, but you can't help but be defensive if I get defensive?"

Yes, I see. So, after countless repetitions of this type of communication around cooking and other touchy territory, I wish I had known how easy it is to sound peevish with the love of your life; that it's not what you say, it's how you say it; and, that over time, a habit of annoyance effortlessly becomes indignation, indignation turns to disdain, and disdain becomes contempt - and before you know it one of the four horsemen in the apocalypse of your once happy marriage is knocking at your door.   

However, like all habits, with careful discipline, snip and snap can be trained right out of your tongue, and with one conscious thought you can wipe that look right off of your face.  Personally, I'm still waiting for that to happen on a consistent basis. After 22 years of marriage, I still have to clarify that when I say something like, "what are you doing?"   it really is meant as a question, not an accusation.

So, how do I change this less-than-attractive side of myself?

1. Be honest about the problem.

When i began to examine my behavior in this area, i made a realization.  The first step in changing my tone, and expression, and interaction, as with any change I  want to make, is to recognize that what I am currently doing, or frequently doing, or sometimes doing, is MY problem.  So, the fact that i still have to clarify that my question, "what are you doing?" is really a question, belies the point that those words are not always so innocuous.  Even if his behavior is perplexing, annoying, or otherwise contradictory to my expectations, it's totally MY deal how I respond.

2.  Find a secret mentor.

The secret is, the person doesn't even know they are your mentor. All words begin with thought.  When you are feeling annoyed, think of someone you know who is famously kind and patient, then consider, "what would so-and-so say?".  I think of my neighbor down the street.  She has never said an unkind word to, or about, anyone in my presence.  And, while her standard may be higher than I can achieve, pausing to think of her before I shoot a zinging comment in my husband's direction always turns my tone around.

3. Be accountable.

Call on a confidant to share your resolution with.  Sometimes my little sister calls me to tell me say, "I'm not complaining all week," and that action alone helps her monitor the quality of her communications with all her loved ones.  

4. Begin again.

Sometimes when my kids are arguing and they say something in a rude tone to their sibling, I make them say it again in a nice way.  I can do the same thing. When I'm thoughtful about the words that just came out of my mouth and how they might have unintentionally come across, I can interrupt myself and say, "sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound...what I meant was...," and that tends to diffuse any misunderstanding about intent.

5.  Follow the golden rule.

In the end, there  is a lot to be said for the kind word and loving look, even when you don't feel like it.  The 'golden rule' is key here because it's never fun when the snip and snap are turned on you.  

What are your thoughts on this? What do you wish you had know abt tone and expression in your relationships?

I Wish I Had Known - The Neurotic Side of Normal

When I was a young mother I collaborated  on a writing project with a good friend of mine.  Our working title was "What I wish I had Known: Stories of Motherhood." We compiled letters and thoughts from mothers of all ages on what they had learned over the years and would have loved to have known sooner.  Ironically, that work was never published because the demands of motherhood overtook us when the project was just getting under way. 

However, after 22 years of marriage I'm feeling contemplative and confessional.  So, I began a series of writings on things I wish I had known sooner about marriage.  This is my first confession....

I wish I had known to be supportive about allowing him time for his individual talents and pursuits when we were first married.  I remember often being jealous of the time he spent working out, reading, studying, playing music, all of the undertakings that make him uniquely him.  Here is an exerpt from my journal when we had been married 6 wks.  Feel free to laugh at me, and, remember, I am only 18. 

"I'm mad.  Don's been into reading this series of books for the last little while....I just got him the second one in the series for his birthday....Today, he picked me up from work, helped me make the bed and switch the laundry, and now, he is reading away, to himself.  It makes me so mad and hurt because watch, in like an hour he's going to say, 'Oh, it's time for me to go work out.' I dontknow what I'd rather he was doing, but i feel excluded."

What on earth?  he was reading a book i bought him for his birthday?  how could he be so selfish?  Seriously, if I had know then that we would shortly be heading into a LONG season with little time for ourselves, I would have been a lot more proactive about helping him carve out that time.  I wish I had known that books, and reading to his children for hours and hours, would be a hallmark of his fatherhood, not a reason to feel upset. I would have felt grateful that for all of the time he would spend reading to us, he took time to enjoy reading himself.  Also, working out is what keeps him fit and fine.  He has never gone over-board with it, why would i turn it into a problem. I wish I had provided that "personal growth" space for him more generously.

When I shared this memory with him, he laughed.

"You did not get upset about that stuff," he insisted.

"Oh, yes I did," I said.

"That is not normal," he replied.

"Yes it is.  For an 18-year-old girl."  Then I reconsidered my statement.  "Well, I'll give you that it may be on the neurotic side of normal."

He laughed again.  "That should be your title if you are writing anything about the early days of our marriage."

And, he's right.  So, it makes me wonder, what behaviors am i perpetuating currently that walk that line on the neurotic side of normal? And, what am I doing now, that in years to come I will say, "I wish I had known...."? 

How about you?

The Luxury of Distraction

“Don't own so much clutter that you will be relieved to see your house catch fire.” 

― Wendell Berry, Farming: a hand book

                                             This is Vincent Van Gogh - In the Orchard

The following quotes are my husband's take on clearing clutter.

"The thing with clutter is that it collects everywhere and becomes this nebulous overwhelming feeling.  I think it's good to really focus.  If you think abt it, it could have taken years to accumulate all that stuff.  So, why do you have to clean it up all in one day?  Plan a space to clear, and discipline yourself to stay there for however long you decide, and get the job done.  I get a little neurotic when I start working somewhere and I'll have a few things that go into another room and then I go into the other room and I get distracted by what needs to be done there.  That's an inefficient way to do your work.  Choose your job and stick to it. 

"Clearing clutter is like surgical weight-loss.  You could have the surgery and drop the weight, but if you don't change your behavior, you will have the weight back again.  Same goes for all the extra stuff you accumulate and consume.  You may have a January clean out, or spring cleaning, or yard sale, but if you keep adding to the stuff in your house, you will always be overweight when it comes to the clutter around you.

"Genadeo, the gardener, comes back every year as a matter of course.  He goes from one tree to the next.  He knows exactly what his task is, and while he may note the other things in the orchard that need to be tended to, when he comes to prune, he just does the pruning."

So, I gleaned my new favorite mantra from all of my husband's clutter-clearing wisdom and it is this, "Don't allow yourself the luxury of distraction."

Get that?  Whatever your task:  Don't allow yourself the luxury of distraction.

You Can Do Anything for 15 Minutes

So, if January is generally a time of renewal and resolution, you may wonder why I'm still spending so much time talking about clearing out.  I think it's because the further I get in life the more I realize my brain is like a sponge, and there are temporary maximum capacities involved with what it can take in.  With teenagers, married kids and a little girl running around the house there are so MANY things I want to do and need to keep track of.  The more I get going on, the more I find myself forgetting important details.  And by important, I mean:

• I forgot I was supposed to take a meal to a friend in need, even though I just volunteered to do it a few days ago.  
• Visitors showed up at my door and I completely spaced that they were scheduled to come by at all.  
• I skipped dental appointments for the whole family because I made them a while ago, didn't get a reminder call soon enough, and it didn't even occur to me I was supposed to be somewhere.  

These are the things that happen when the psychic clutter is reaching a breaking point.  So, to manage it all, sometimes I need to squeeze out the sponge and make room for new input.  You might ask, "Why don't you just get a better calendar system?"  And, to that I would say, "Brilliant idea!"  But, I prefer to take a more abstract, metaphorical approach.  I always hope that maybe purging some of the clutter will make room for something more...namely cognitive coherence about things that are important to me and feeling more connected generally.

The irony about this morning's post is that I am awake early on Saturday morning.  The house is quiet and everyone else is sleeping.  And, I, rather than doing the work of clearing clutter in my life, am WRITING about clearing clutter.  This is procrastination.  However, I shouldn't feel too bad because one of my sisters recently told me that sometimes doing housework is just her way of procrastinating the work of WRITING.  Either way, I should get on with today's tip, so I can actually DO THE WORK.

Follow this image link, it's a good one.

Last time we cleared flat surfaces and learned about our magic three containers.  Today, I only have one trick to share, and it is called:

Beat the timer.  Or, You can do anything for 15 minutes.  

I am never so competitive as when a timer or deadline is in place.  Sometimes, when it's time to pick up the house before Dad gets home or clean up after dinner, I challenge my kids to a race.  We split up the tasks that need to be done and whoever finishes first gets a reward. If they beat me, I promise to do their next small chore for them.  If I beat them I get to sit out during the next short cleaning session.  It's awesome to see how quickly we can all work to accomplish our task.

Similarly, if I set a timer for myself, especially if it is for some short time, like 15 minutes, I will work quickly and without distraction to finish my task.  The timer even works for large clutter clearing jobs.  Often, on weekends, my husband gets serious about doing big household projects.  Ironically, the weekend is not my favorite time to do the monumental tasks.   And, I find myself empathizing with kids who continually ask during such a task "How much longer are we going to be doing this?"  His answer used to be, "Until we're finished."  But, I think he got tired of our whining, so now, OUR solution is to portion out the big job into lots of smaller tasks. This is system work, which he is really good at.  Though our total work time will inevitably be much longer than 15 minutes, we still set a time limit, and we find that accomplishing smaller tasks within the larger job keeps us motivated as we go.  Treats and bribes work well, too.  Work for an hour, get a drink from the gas station (I'll do a lot for a half-caf diet coke with lots of ice.) Finish another hour and we all go to lunch or the movies or get to have friends over or whatever else works.  For the record, he doesn't completely OWN this system yet, he'd still rather just power through until the job is done, but knows it works well for those of us with less focus.

Now GO!  Set a timer. Pick a shelf, or a drawer, or a Christmas tree that is de-ornamented but still has it's lights on it (i don't know why i thought of that one because it's the end of January and only Christmas Crazies still have that sort of stuff still up) and get the job done.

The Complexities of Simplicity

Albert Einstein once said, "Out of clutter, find simplicity," but I don't think he was remarking on any of the drawers or closets where I keep mine. 

Over the years I have come up with a couple of quick clutter tricks that help me at least have the appearance of clean.  I will only share ideas that do not make me a hypocrite.  In other words, I won't suggest something I haven't been willing to do in twenty plus years of keeping my own house.  Though, my husband is way more organized than I am, so I might share his thoughts in a later post.     

So, my first two clutter cutting tips for you are these:

1. Clear flat surfaces first

If a room is messy, start your clutter control by removing all of the junk from the largest flat surface first.  In a bedroom it's usually the bed.  Clear it, make it and move on.  The momentum will propel you to the next largest flat space, the dresser.  In the kitchen, it's the usually one of the counters, or the table.  Clear the largest flat space first and then move on. Look and see what a difference it makes.  Now your rule is not to allow clutter to creep back to your flat spaces. I'm not asking you to tackle drawers and closets today, just one big flat space.

A clean room when just looking at large, flat surfaces.

This is all going on behind the chair, but you don't notice it because the bed and all the other flat spaces are clean.

2. Use three bags for your clutter clearing task

One of my biggest problems in tackling clutter is my propensity for getting sidetracked.  Finding a home for everything WHILE I'm clearing a space is a serious temptation.  Instead of leaving my work space, on the distracted pretense of putting things away  I find I get the task done faster if I have the following containers with me:

• 1 For stuff that goes in another space - I don't put it away until I'm done with my task
• 1 For stuff I are going to give away/sell - the thought of a yard sale is abominable to me, I bag it all up and send it off to the local thrift store, and NEVER think about it again. 
• 1 For garbage - 'nough said.

Remember, don't leave your space until the job is done, or for 15 minutes, whichever comes first.

So, go to it and find your simplicity, my friend. Then again, Einstein also is alleged to have said:  

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk?”

Hmm.  The complexities of simplicity.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

Life's most persistent and urgent question is: 

'What are you doing for others?'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Origins

Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday has been celebrated, presumably, every year since his birth.  But, it wasn't until 1983 that Ronald Reagan signed it into law as an official federal holiday.  By the year 2000, all of the states finally adopted the holiday.  Some of the reported reluctance for officially observing his birthday comes from stigma around his socialist political leanings, along with other questions about his character.  However, I believe that God inspires and lifts men and women through the flawed lives of other men and women.  Martin Luther King, Jr., flaws and all, gave voice and courage to the oppressed and marginalized.  He exemplifies the power of one, strengthened by many, and the power of peace in the face of hatred and violence.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to reflect on his life and accomplishments and to ponder the idea that you can not kill the dream by slaying the dreamer.

Note: First, I trust you are able to find recipes and activities that suit your pantry and family needs all over the internet.  Generally, I will not include them here except in the resource links.  Also,  we have always taken our cues for food and fun on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day from the following bit in an article from the Knoxville News:

“The parlor was a very special room,” says Williams, explaining that business and community meetings took place here, in addition to choir rehearsals and pastoring. The six-bedroom home speaks of middle-class comfort. Upholstered furniture, handsomely carved tables, lamps, knickknacks and photographs. “King’s mother had a housekeeper,” says Williams, as we enter the kitchen and laundry area. Appliances and table settings reflect the 1930s and 1940s. A favorite meal was the Sunday feast of fried chicken, collard greens, black-eyed peas and corn bread.

We wander by King’s bedroom, where a ball and bat rest near games and other toys. King enjoyed playing baseball, football and basketball. He rode his bicycle and roller skates through the neighborhood. Family time meant a game of Monopoly and Old Maid cards. King took piano lessons, but did not like to practice."1

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/cider-brined-fried-chicken-recipe/index.html

Food

A feast of Southern favorites - fried chicken, fried okra, collard greens, black-eyed peas, buttermilk biscuits, pecan and sweet potato pie, layered chocolate velvet cake.

Festivities

Play family games,  like Monopoly, Old Maid, Gold Fish.  Sometimes, I create a trivia game based on Martin Luther King and the civil rights movement.  I found one online, here:

http://www.cyberlearning-world.com/nhhs/project/trivia1.htm

Observances

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Life's most persistent and urgent question is: 'What are you doing for others?'"  We plan service on or around all of the birthdays in our home.  Usually, Gordon and I give blood or work in a neighbor's yard.  for the kids' birthdays, we do harvest and holiday service. To truly honor Martin Luther King, Jr. and the day, organize a service project to be completed before the month's end.

Watch or read excerpts from his famous speeches.  In addition to I Have A Dream, family favorites include the following - 

I've Been to the Mountaintop

I especially love the themes of being in a place and time and doing the work we are meant to do because we are preserved and directed by God.  You have to read the whole thing to get the "traveling through time," portion, and the "if I had sneezed" insight.  In the end, Dr. King gives a pre-farewell speech.  It doesn't matter what happens now, he has been to the mountain top and has seen the promised land...beautiful!

Excerpt from the speech -  

"Well, I don't know what will happen now; we've got some difficult days ahead. But it really doesn't matter to with me now, because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life–longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain.  And I've looked over, and I've seen the Promised Land. I may not get there with you.  But I want you to know tonight that we, as a people, will get to the Promised Land.  And so I'm happy tonight; I'm not worried about anything; I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."8

How Long, Not Long otherwise known as, Our God is Marching On

My favorite quote from this speech is, "How long? Not long, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice."  Here's a longer excerpt-

"I know you are asking today, "How long will it take?" Somebody’s asking, "How long will prejudice blind the visions of men, darken their understanding, and drive bright-eyed wisdom from her sacred throne?" Somebody’s asking, "When will wounded justice, lying prostrate on the streets of Selma and Birmingham and communities all over the South, be lifted from this dust of shame to reign supreme among the children of men?" Somebody’s asking, "When will the radiant star of hope be plunged against the nocturnal bosom of this lonely night, plucked from weary souls with chains of fear and the manacles of death? How long will justice be crucified, and truth bear it?"

I come to say to you this afternoon, however difficult the moment, however frustrating the hour, it will not be long, because "truth crushed to earth will rise again."

How long? Not long,  because "no lie can live forever." 

How long? Not long, because "you shall reap what you sow."

How long? Not long: 

Truth forever on the scaffold,

Wrong forever on the throne,

Yet that scaffold sways the future,

And, behind the dim unknown,

Standeth God within the shadow,

Keeping watch above his own.

How long? Not long, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.

How long? Not long, because:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord; 

He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored; 

He has loosed the fateful lightning of his terrible swift sword; 

His truth is marching on. " 3

But If Not, otherwise known as, Transformed Nonconformists

I love this paragraph, click the link for the whole text.

"The courage of three Hebrew boys - Shadrack, Meshach and Abednego is still a challenge to us today.  The King Nebuchadnezzar had ordered that all were to bow down and worship the golden image.  But there stood in the midst three Hebrew boys who were determined not to bow down and serve the golden image, and they said to the king, "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us, but if not, we will not bow. "  who today can stand up and refuse to bow in a crowd where everybody else is bowing." 4

Resources:

1. http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/jan/13/atlanta-neighborhood-commemorates-childhood-civil-/

2. http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/index.php/encyclopedia/documentsentry/ive_been_to_the_mountaintop/ 

3. http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/index.php/kingpapers/article/our_god_is_marching_on/

4. http://mlk-kpp01.stanford.edu/primarydocuments/Vol6/Nov1954TransformedNonconformist.pdf

Dealing with the Mail In Your Life

No...it's not a typo.  I'm not referring to your husband, boyfriend or troublesome brother.  I'm talking about the post,  and the clutter it inevitably brings, muddling your mind and overwhelming your ability to cope.

I actually have a phobia of the mail box.  Even when I'm expecting something great to come, and especially during the holidays.  

As I hit the "create" button for the new blog, I hear a pounding and a kick on the back door.

"Oh, that's Caleb, I just sent him to get the mail." I say to his sisters, hurrying to open the door.

The door opens and envelopes fall all over the floor.  Plus, both of this poor boy's arms of are overflowing with weekly adds and other proliferous papers.  First world problems.  I know.  Google it.

"Did you drop any on the road?" I ask.  The mail box is far down our dirt road.

"Yeah, like 3 times," is his surly response.

I laugh at the sight of mail falling from his arms to the table to the floor.  I'm not helping.

Still stifling a snicker, I say, "I'm sorry.  I should have sent you with a bag."

"How about..." I detect restraint in his halting, measured tone. "When we haven't checked the mail for like 3 months, we don't send one kid...by himself... to get it." 

What I don't say is this. "You know I am actually afraid of the mail box.  Do you know why?  Because it contains all the trappings of adult responsibility, paired with other peoples' junk I don't know what to do with (we recently moved), bills and notices and reminders of all the stuff I need to do and all the details I hate to deal with.  So, if I only get it every few weeks, it's like it's not there. I owe you an appology because this is my failing as a mom.  Failing to get paper under control.  Also, failing to teach you and your sibling, by example, how to get paper under control.  Nevermind actually attending to the business of each item.  It's bad, but I hate sorting through mail.  I much prefer denial."  

Instead I say, "You're right, Caleb.  I'm sorry."

He walks away.

Minutes later he returns, smiling and talking about getting ready to go to his play.  If only all frustrations and failings were so easily forgiven and forgotten.

And, in case you are wondering, this story does have a point.  If you, are like me with an aversion to mail and papery clutter, you need to make a new ritual.  Once a week (if you can get away with it because most of your bills are automated and nobody really sends you anything so pressing), clear your schedule for a good 30 minutes and take the following steps.  There are only five of the because after that, I lose interesting any process more complicated: 

1.  Make a strong cup a joe (that's hot cocoa, or diet coke on ice, in Utah)

2. Say some positive affirmations, give yourself a stirring pep talk, and go check the mail.  "I fee peace with every piece of mail I encounter...om..."

3.  Bring the mail in, sort what you can immediately into the shredder/recycle bin. Or, in our case, we are pyros and like to burn paper clutter.

4.  Make every phone call about things you have to follow up on, right now!

5.  File (that is a vile four letter word in my book) what you may need to attend to later, and then don't think about it again for another week.  Keep only items that you would be required to show as proof of payment, receipt,  or in case of audit.  

NOTE: If you call someone with questions, note the person's name and details of the conversation on the piece of mail, then put it away for future reference.  

Lifehacker has a great list of what to keep and what to get rid of, here:

http://lifehacker.com/5977082/what-documents-should-i-shred-and-what-should-i-keep

The photo above comes from a great article abt downsizing your mail on your computer's inbox: 

http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-07-11/e-mail-in-box-clutter-an-appreciation